Unlock the secrets to a inclusive holiday season for neurodiverse families with insights from Dr. Emily Bradshaw and Daniel Sullivan of Centra's Autism and Developmental Clinic. Together, we redefine the holiday experience by honoring each child's unique strengths and challenges, all while exploring the concept of neurodiversity as a spectrum of diverse brain functions. Expect to learn practical strategies for creating inclusive and comfortable environments, even if that means tweaking traditional plans to prioritize your child's well-being and comfort.
The conversation talks about the significance of respecting personal boundaries, offering alternatives to physical greetings, and promoting mutual respect and successful interactions. Join us for an enriching discussion on fostering a supportive holiday environment where every child can thrive.
Transcript
Speaker 1:
Hi and welcome to, and so Much More. My name is Cami Smith and I am your host and we are continuing our discussion surrounding our Psychiatry & Behavioral Health service line and they cover so many different areas of mental health and we wanted to take some time to really highlight and hover around all that that entails and how it impacts those of us in the community around this particular part of the year, this holiday-ish season so November, December when it's full of celebration and full of life and color and things. But that can just be a lot for some people and overwhelming for some people. And so we previously had a conversation about mental health with Dr. Sipsy and we're here today with Dr. Emily Bradshaw and Daniel Sullivan from the Autism & Development Center over here with Centra Health, and I'll let you both kind of share a little bit about yourself before we jump in. We can start with you, Dr. Bradshaw.
Speaker 2:
Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Bradshaw. I'm a clinical psychologist and school psychologist. I've been here with Centra about 10 years now, working here at Centra's Autism & Developmental Clinic.
Speaker 3:
And I'm Daniel Sullivan. I've been with Centra now 10 years now, working here at Centra's Autism & Developmental Clinic. I'm Daniel Sullivan.
Speaker 1:
I've been with Centra now for six years, I am a licensed professional counselor and I am a certified autism spectrum disorder clinical specialist. I love that. I love those of you who are sitting at home who have heard some of these terms and some of these words with your kids and your ears perk up because you're like autism specialists, what, what. There's so much that there is to glean from both of you, and thank you so much for having this conversation. We are going to be talking about the, the neurodiversity that surrounds a lot of different things, and I'm going to let you guys define that as the experts in the room, for sure. But we want to talk about today how do we navigate the holiday season, specifically those of us who have kids, who are neurodiverse and who are going to see the world and experience the world very differently than those of us who you know it's. You go to a Christmas party and it is what it is. It's very different for families who have individuals really of any age, um, who are um, have that neurodiversity aspect in their lives and how their brain works.
Speaker 1:
And so first I want to talk about neurodiversity A lot of people that might be new to you if you're hearing it. I know for our family, my son has ADHD and then autism spectrum disorder. At the time I think it was Asperger's, and so it could be called something else. Now I'm not sure, but when I first heard the term neurodiversity I had to do some Googling. So how would you define? We can start with you, dr Bradshaw. How?
Speaker 2:
would you define neurodiversity? I think neurodiversity and it's a relatively recent movement and it's really driven by the individuals who have diagnosis saying hey, you know, this diagnosis doesn't mean that there's necessarily anything wrong with us. It means that our brain works differently than the majority of people. So it's a very inclusive model culture of just seeing people as just having different areas of strengths and weaknesses, and it's very strengths-based focused rather than disability focused.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, that's actually really cool, If you think about it, that there's this ownership among those who are in this. I mean, can you call it? Do you call it a category? And they're kind of saying like this is how we want to be referred to. Did you have anything to add? The spectrum, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:
You know we view autism as a spectrum. Autism is viewed now as a spectrum. So there's within that spectrum there are many differences. When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. That doesn't speak to the entire diversity within the neurodiversity community.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I think that, speaking to, like you said, when you do speak with one person, it is quite mind-blowing to hear those who want to even talk about it.
Speaker 1:
It can be so, so different between biological males, biological females, different age groups, different levels of the spectrum, and so you really can't pinpoint that with one title or one label.
Speaker 1:
And so, as we're heading into the holiday season and you all touch when I think about how many families that you have influenced and that you all have touched, it's actually pretty amazing. And so, as those people are preparing for the holiday season let's say, family gatherings, crazy bright colors, often loud music, lots happening, people eating, people opening packages, people playing games it can be an overwhelming atmosphere and sometimes even church services where you need to sit still for X amount of time. Some people go to church on Christmas and Easter and it can be very difficult to just sit still for X amount of time. And so, as we're heading into this season, how do we support, how do we respect these individuals own children who are neurodiverse, but then also how to re-respect others who are that same way, who maybe aren't our own children and we're not making decisions for them, but we can still respect them in this season.
Speaker 3:
So I think the first thing is particularly know your child, know where your child tends to struggle. Go with. In essence, go with where your child has struggles. Don't think you have to fight against everything Like oh, the church service or the family gathering is going to be four hours long, so we just have to gut it out. If your child can do an hour, great. If they can do 30 minutes, great. If it's too much, if it's too overwhelming, it's okay to make other arrangements.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, just respecting what they can do, yeah.
Speaker 2:
I think, as parents too, we go into the holidays with our own expectations of what we want to see happen and we want to make everybody happy, and that's just not possible all the time. And recognizing what are your priorities the same as the child's priorities it may be you want to go visiting, but is the child perfectly happy? Not visiting, yeah. And recognizing that difference and prioritizing what's important for you as a family unit, of what you decide to attend and what you decide, that maybe you were going to go past and not do, because everybody is so it is such an individual difference.
Speaker 2:
So again back to what Dan said know your own child or your family member. I tend to think about ways to structure, you know, help individuals with neurodiversity and really they would help all of us, right? That includes thinking about schedules, thinking about sensory needs, which can include food, personal space, all of those things, and we can talk a little bit more about that. I mean, as far as scheduling, you know, I really think it's important for your neurodiverse child or adult to understand what's going to happen and how long things may be. Like we're going to be at this family event for four hours and this is what we can expect to have happen. And I think that structure and schedule and with downtime in between I mean most kids neurodivergent, neurotypical kids are they're most interested in their toys and when they're going to get time to play with their toys, so that time in between where they can get the free choice item of what they get to do in between activities, things for the car, if you're going from one aunt's house to an uncle's house that sort of.
Speaker 2:
Thing.
Speaker 1:
I love it we used to do. I'm from Jersey, so it's a six hour drive. Holidays are a lot of car time, and so we would put toys in this basket and every hour on the hour they got to reach in not looking and pull another toy out. And it was so like it helped the time pass. Even if that toy, you know, got a little old. 30 minutes in we started playing a guessing game. What do you think's in the box? What do you think is?
Speaker 2:
next.
Speaker 1:
And it helped so much to just pass that time. What are some other practical nuggets? I mean, I know that you guys have shared previously just so many different things by means of like what can you bring with you? How can you set the expectation like you talked about? What do you communicate ahead of time to those hosting? If you're not hosting, do you communicate to others who are coming to your house, are there? You know rules you put in place about respecting a quiet space, or so what are some practical things that that families can do?
Speaker 3:
I think if you're bringing, if you're bringing people into your house, it's perfectly fine for the child's room to be their space yeah you know, if the child needs to pull back and be in their own space, that's fine, let them gauge that.
Speaker 3:
or if they, you know, if they're young and the parent needs to say, you know it's time to go play in the room for a little while and the child's able to regulate and able to do that, that room becomes their quiet spot. That's where they can go and settle, get back into a good head space and it's okay to say you know what? He's in his room, she's in her room right now. We're going to leave the door closed, door closed, you know. So maybe they'll come out in a little while, but you know the other kids that are there, hey, you can play here, you know, and so you just kind of make it like they need their time and it's okay, right, yeah, um we call it the chillax zone.
Speaker 2:
Yes, it's his chillax zone that's also where they put anything that's important to them like that, they cannot share there are some things we don't want to share right, and we shouldn't have to share everything, right. So those that's where they put their toys that they don't want, their cousins and like the, the precious lego set or whatever goes into the room with them, yeah, so that will reduce their anxiety, hopefully as well, because they have that control over their items as well.
Speaker 1:
I love both of those setting a place but then also thinking ahead of time. What would it be a very poor situation if someone else got their hands on X item because there are those items, that there's that perseveration on and that is good. Write that down. As adults we kind of do that naturally, that there's that, that are separation on, and that is good.
Speaker 3:
As adults, we kind of do that naturally when we have people in our homes. People are just wandering into our bedrooms going.
Speaker 2:
Oh, look at all this neat stuff. There are definitely places that are off limits.
Speaker 3:
You know some, it's okay for the kids to have some things that are off limits.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think that also brings a good when we take our child, our neurodivergent, neurodiverse child, into another setting, setting those rules for them. You know this is the public area of the house. Oh yeah, you aren't allowed to go to the. I actually had that happen one time. I had an individual come over. We couldn't find her.
Speaker 1:
She was under my bed in my room, you know um, and so that just that rule, because that, yeah, just them understanding exactly that time that that happened.
Speaker 3:
You know. Um well, I mean you've had it where you know. You're in your office, you're working with somebody and then all of a sudden you have little hands and they're pulling open all your desk drawers. Looking at the stuff, and it's it's innocent, and then it's it's still a teaching moment where you can say okay, you know these.
Speaker 2:
You know you gotta ask before you open the drawers, you gotta ask before you go. Yeah, that's so true, and I think when you arrive at the host house you could say what areas are we allowed to be in with the child and maybe help them, you know, identify that when you get to define the space we're staying in this room and and then here's a spot, your chillax zone at our house yeah, you can maybe hang out over here in this area you know that is since they won't have their bedroom to us to go to yeah, when they get over sitting like that.
Speaker 1:
That's a good idea. So what about food? I know food is a big thing, a big texture food, not choosing certain foods and it's not like, oh, just try it, there are some pretty hard lines in place.
Speaker 2:
Food is challenging for our kids, often on the spectrum, and that is one thing you're never going to control of another person. So what we see is that sometimes the food rigidity gets more increased when people are stressed out. So you know, I think the aunt that fills up, you know, letting family know, hey, they will really only eat a few things, and so they don't take it personally if the child doesn't eat more increase the child's stress of try this, try this, you'll love it.
Speaker 2:
Bringing their own food is often, you know, letting them pack their lunch if they're safe and comfortable foods and just helping family understand that piece, because some folks become visibly nauseous from the smell of food, things like that and that ability to kind of escape that area if it is something that's overwhelming, because food is a huge sensory as well as a control area.
Speaker 1:
yeah, um, I know that's a big deal in our home and I think that, um just thinking of it from a parent's perspective, um, sometimes you're you don't want to offend somebody by bringing your own food and um, but it's a fairly normal thing these days. There's so many allergies out there, um, and so bringing something that you know your child will eat, I think do you let them know ahead of time? Like, maybe we can kind of pivot here and talk about the preparing side on on the parent, because I know we talked a little bit earlier about, um, how how much do you put on yourself and and all of the things that you're trying to make it easier for everyone else? And it's a lot on the parent side, and so how do we do that? Well, what is some advice we can give to our parents of our neurodiverse community? I think the big thing. Well, there's a couple of things.
Speaker 3:
Number one a focus on the child, right focus on the child, who's neurodiverse, helping them to navigate this difficulty going into this season. Know, there's all these times, all these events in which they can practice, yeah, and yet these are still kids, you know, and even teenagers. Let's lump them in with the kid in the kid group. They're still learning, they're still growing, as we all are. So, number one be mindful that this is a child. Be careful of the expectations you put on a five-year-old, whether they're diverse or not. Just they're going to be five, they're going to be six, whatever they're going to have moments they're going to. They're going to miss that. You know they're not going to get everything right, but seek to make that as comfortable, seek to make these events as comfortable as possible, yeah.
Speaker 3:
Secondly, with family. You know it's like it's okay to be open and honest and you know this is what we're dealing with, this is what we need to do, this is how we negotiate and manage these things. Yeah, and people may have questions and people may disagree, and when it works, they're free to disagree. Have they parented their children? That's their business.
Speaker 3:
They may have opinions, we all have opinions, but as parents, you get to make the decision and you know your children best. So be okay with making decisions. Be okay with focusing on your child's comfort.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's okay, absolutely, and and I think it's so important to know, um, there's no perfect family. There's, I mean, if you think no one else could possibly understand what's happening. There are so many families who are walking through this, um, and there's resources available and there's community that's available. Um, and and just like giving yourself the uh, the freedom to, to misstep, and like it's okay if you don't get it right the first time. It's okay if you find yourself at a family gathering and everyone's overwhelmed and you need to say we're going to go. Sometimes you have to learn that it's too much before you know that it's too much. Um, I think that that's good. Just, you know healthy expectations and cross the board. Um, and I love what you said, like let your five-year-old be a five-year-old neurodiverse or not um, it's, it's you know.
Speaker 1:
Whatever holiday it is you're celebrating, let it be that holiday and let that five-year-old be the five-year-old, or, in my case, the 13-year-old be the 13-year-old, and it's the child at the end of the day you know they've been to.
Speaker 3:
You know two or three events in a day. We're all going to be child at the end of the day. You know they've been to. You know two or three events in a day.
Speaker 1:
We're all going to be exhausted at the end of that.
Speaker 3:
You know and think of how that affects a young child. They're going to be dysregulated. They're going to be ready for their bed. They're going, you know, yeah, so yeah, and we all feel that at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:
So again, check your expectations, yeah, and we all feel that at the end of the day. So, again, check your expectations. Yeah, I know we were recently. It's like birthday party season. It feels like so that I think of when I think about gatherings and parties and holidays. A lot can fall in one day, like you're talking about, and sometimes just sometimes, you need to say no. You know and weigh it out, and sometimes that no can save everybody. Um, so what are some alternatives? You know, maybe maybe you're invited and you go for 30 minutes and you let them know why you're going for 30 minutes. Um, but it's important, like, hey, we, we love this. Thank you so much for inviting us. For our family, we probably can't come for very long, but we'll be there for as long as we can, that's a good idea, yeah, so what?
Speaker 1:
are some other alternatives to things like uh, you know the big tree lighting ceremonies or you know I, I personally celebrate Christmas. I'm not super familiar with celebrations that come with so many different holidays, but there are so many. And so what are some ways that maybe you can do these things at home, or, you know, what are some things you can build into it, just to maybe approach it in a different way.
Speaker 3:
One of the things if you have a child that really struggles with going into large group environments you know the big ceremonies, the big services, whatever, and that's just a particular area of struggle and say they're a teenager and they're perfectly fine being home alone. It's okay to have that conversation with your child. We want to go to this. Do you want to go? No, okay, are you okay being home alone? Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and then be prospective, have that conversation, yes.
Speaker 3:
You know and you know, set the clear boundaries. Make sure everybody has the phone numbers they need.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, I think it's, you know, for those kids that can't stay home alone and the places that you really need to go, I think, again, the child understanding what's going to happen as much as possible talking them through and then also identifying times where they can get out of a situation if they need to you know, during the greeting of church, you're able to get up and leave at that time if you need to. Yeah, I think also maybe giving them a job. Maybe their job is the photographer.
Speaker 2:
Oh that has always helped. Or their job is to draw pictures of what they see, or to be the one to deliver the item to the. You know, I think having a role can help as well. Yeah, and I always recommend that go bag, that go bag with the sensory items. With the headphones. With the you know sunglasses that they needed. With the you know if individuals need weighted blanket whatever they might need and having the child take part in picking their items in their go bag for if they need a sensory break.
Speaker 1:
That is a very good idea. I mean, that might just be a good idea all year long, let's be real.
Speaker 2:
I think so. Yes, that's really smart.
Speaker 1:
So over the holidays we all kind of do you guys, lose sense of time.
Speaker 2:
I feel like yes, the days tend to run together sometimes too.
Speaker 1:
Especially that week between Christmas and New Year's where some of you may be off work.
Speaker 1:
You may not be off work you may be working nights and you're just like what time is it, what year is it, what day is it? So when things go back to normal, I mean that can be harder than any holiday party that you experience. So I mean, what are some some little insider tricks you guys can give us to setting your kids up for success? For? For back to school, for back to early bus times, right, and all of those things?
Speaker 2:
and we all struggle with that, like you said, but our neurodiverse population definitely, I think, maintaining that regular sleep and wake cycle. A lot of, especially our teenagers, they get to even the weekend and they're up 24 hours a day playing the games, and then Monday morning rolls around and they cannot manage to get out of bed.
Speaker 2:
So keeping a regular schedule, keeping a calendar I mean I know there's several- ways to do the calendar, depending on the age, you know, making the little paper chains that you tear off for each day, but then marking the days off, helping the child and then talking about, oh, we have five days till school goes back. Just kind of that reminder, even though when we're on vacation we usually don't like to think that way. But for our kids on the spectrum it really is helpful to kind of keep that in mind, trying to keep a schedule to the day, to minimize an electronics um as much as possible. Having a diversity in their activities during the day as well, it's going to help.
Speaker 1:
So, good. It's hard, it's those. Those days are difficult, um, I think when I talk to friends of mine who have kids, electronics is so difficult, um, but I think it is wise to help them. You know, not make that their entire time, because it does. It's going to be abrupt when it's over our child.
Speaker 2:
Our kids with autism are more at risk for addiction to electronics.
Speaker 1:
Yes, yeah, we've seen that for sure um, is there anything I haven't asked specifically that you think would be really valuable to make sure as a part of this conversation?
Speaker 2:
the only other thing I can think of is personal space. You know, with family, yes, with family gatherings, there's this expectations to hump your aunt that you see once a year, or you know, and you know not every child's alike, but if you know your child has your child's not a hugger, your child shows affection in different ways. I think letting family know ahead of time hey, don't ask for the hug, don't pressure the hug, certainly don't initiate the hug. You know, giving that child that ability to to greet them in the way that they are comfortable yeah, I think it's. Or in adults, I mean, a lot of us don't like these hugs. You know that's really good, so maybe it's a fist bump instead. Or talking with your child about, hey, we need to greet individuals. What do you feel comfortable doing? Just hello, you want a fist bump, and then letting family know that kind of limit as well.
Speaker 1:
I like that because I think it is important for them to understand the need to like acknowledge another person, but then it doesn't have to look like X, it can be. Yeah, that's really good. I like that.
Thank you guys so much I feel like there are so many things. I hope everyone's taking notes. We want to be successful and we want to make sure that we're taking care of everyone who is in our care, regardless of where they may find themselves or how their brain works. So I appreciate you guys taking time to have this conversation. Yes, and thank you all for joining us on & so much more.
